Unfortunately, that thing was a pencil.

Fortunately, is was a super awesome magician pencil that granted wishes.

unFortunately the pencil genie was taken out by a headshot from the last remaining sniper

fortunately the sniper was killed by the heli that is gonna pick him up

unfortunatly while celebration there kill the pilots shoe lace wraped around the rudder pedel sending them spinning to the ground

fortunately the pilot survived

unfortunatly he was stricken by the guilt of his celebrating causing the death of his whole crew he shot him himself in the head

fortunately the soldier found enough for for a month from the crash

while reading the instructions for the "enough" he found, the years of skipping school came back to haunt him. As he sat there alone ankle deep in mud and the remains of his fellow soilders he struggled to read and understand the complex diagrams. With a heavy heart he discards the enough that had the potential to save his life.

Fortuantly, right at that moment, an atomic bomb exploded a few miles away, the radiation giving him super powers!...

fortunately the directions are simple (ive used 'em) so your last post is VOID!! I ENDED THIS TOPIC!!!!!!!!!!111!!!! >:^D

ignoring moderns late post

unfortunatly With every birth of a new superhero a super villian is born and the two engage in a battle of epic proportion

fortunatly the super villians only power is to spurt pickle juice from his armpit

unfortunatly the pickle juice hits his eyes blinding him giving pickle boy the perfect chance to strike our heros only week spot..............his third nipple

But fortunately, the third nipple has a superpower of its own. It can anticipate attacks and shields itself in Titanium Alloy!

unfortunately, pickle boys FOURTH nipple can shoot out titanium alloy melting purple drank.

fortunatly prior to going to war are hero read the latest issue of new scientist whos leading story was the recent discovery of a purple drank resistant compound, which by sheer chance had been woven into the string vest given to him by his granny last christmas

.....

Fortanatly they were dent back to the 70s and the aliens one weaknedlss is hippies and. The hippies started killing all aliens to bring the peace back dude

Unfortunately, hippies don't kill.....anything......ever.

fortunatly, The russians came to save they day, and bombed the city!!!1!!1111!!!

Unfortanyly the bombs were duds and actually had toilet roll in

fortunatly, they wanted to make it seem like duds to fool everyone, but the exposives were made to look like toilet paper!

unfoutunatly in there attempt to make the perfect toilet roll decoy bomb they had forgoten to include the explosive and had infact just made toilet roll.

Fortantly the toilet paper was extra absorbant and squashed the evil people